The only thing COLDER than your outreach...

... is the shoulder your prospects give it.



My COLD OPENER grabbed your attention - gold for anyone who prospects!

Your cold outreach has to grab attention and demonstrate credibility - in a few short seconds. Your opening words need to be relevant, memorable and elicit an emotional reaction in them in order to earn more of our prospects' time.

This short, simple course will show you how to craft your own customized COLD OPENERS that roast your prospects' pain and break more ice by helping you be memorable, relevant and credible within 5-10 seconds.

Start more meaningful conversations with your prospects (and less with your managers) - just like in this real-life re-enactment!

Punch up your outreach with this crash course in joke writing, specifically developed for prospecting. It will help you:

Stand Out!

Most cold outreach is more templated than a CEO's mass layoff explanation. You need to stand out from the pack!

I'll share a process to craft hyper relevant icebreakers to help you get laughs/smiles and stand-out within 5-10 seconds of your cold calling, emailing, LinkedIn-ing, voicemail, etc. efforts. 

Guards will come down, and you will be granted permission for a longer conversation.

Have More, Easier Conversations

Standing-out isn't enough to earn you a conversation. Your message needs to resonate with your target persona around how you can help for them to engage you.

Your COLD OPENERS will paint pictures of the painful problems you can eliminate for them.

Their laughs  show appreciation for your creative insights into a challenge driving them nuts and your conversation will be kickstarted.

Master Your Domain

Not THAT domain! This process will force you to think deeper about how your prospects are impacted by the problems you can eliminate for them, and what triggers which of their emotions.

This process will strengthen your subject matter expertise, and give you the confidence to speak to your target persona in. a more consultative fashion and give them the sense that you're their peer.


One Simple Price


  • Write unique, relevant openers for your prospecting efforts your prospects will appreciate...
  • 5 easy steps 
  • Learn the logic of why this works with both "ha ha" and "bla bla"
  • Craft as many COLD OPENERS as you like
  • Apply the process to other aspects of your prospecting and communication efforts
  • Weekly drop-in coaching sessions
  • Limited time BONUS:  A coaching session with Jon to smooth out delivery, get tips on deployment.
I wanna try this!

What sellers say...

Mia Mann, Enterprise Biz Dev @ Zoho

“I immediately tripled my linkedin connection rate. I started seeing more responses from prospects”

Tito Sierra, BDR Team Lead @ Interplay Learning

"It made us look at our messaging much more critically, and with an eye more fixated on our clients' pain points, and not just our own."

Yehuda Wexler, SDR @ Augtera 

“Everyone should take this course…you should take it to understand the emotions you’re granting to your prospects”

Carlos Côté, Full Cycle Seller @ Silicyle

"Jon’s course really helped me open my cold calls".

Still have questions?

I wanna try this!
Full Course and Coaching Program for Teams

IRL reactions to Cold Openers


Who is this guy?

Jon received two business degrees followed by a 12 year career selling technology (mainly for Oracle & an Oracle partner). In 2011, his career took a sharp left-turn and he started performing stand-up comedy in hopes of fulfilling a lifelong dream – to never sell technology again.

Since then, he’s performed at JFL Zoofest, The Comedy Nest’s Young Guns of Comedy, and has also appeared in a segment on The Daily Show. He still can’t tell you what databases do.

To date, he’s spoken to and delivered workshops to sales teams at Neo4j, Trustarc, Canon USA, Citrix, Zoho,  Fleetcor Technologies, and more. Contact him to make it happen at your company.